at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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