If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize