we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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