Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
