They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Randomize
