Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
