she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
