Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
