does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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