ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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