Tell her she can't have a vagina
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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