they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
