All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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