I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
