**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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