Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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