based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
