Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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