Who did Billy Mays play for?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
