DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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