I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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