I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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