But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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