i don't like sucking hair
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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