I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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