She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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