I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
