Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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