Got a toothbrush?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
