dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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