sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Holy shit dude........stairs
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
