I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
