I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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