will power is for people who don't want to get laid
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
