you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
