I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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