You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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