i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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