i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
