Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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