You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
