I can text with my tongue
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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