I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
