P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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