she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
