I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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