JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
