I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
