All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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