Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
