I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
