yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
