can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Drunk walkin through police station. America
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
