Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
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im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
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It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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