After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
