Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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