I wish I could teleport
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize