when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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