My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
