I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
