Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
