You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
