You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
