He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
