umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
